Official response to Gonster
Written by Geeze Nutson Tuesday 21 May 2024
Geezerial foreword
If there is one thing at the heart of the National Geezing Association's agenda, it is the preservation of the venerable traditions that have been the cornerstone of our esteemed community for generations. Our mission is to safeguard the time-honored practices that define the geezing experience, ensuring that every member can enjoy the simple, authentic pleasures of pub life without compromise or contamination by fleeting fads.
Official response regarding "Gonster"
The National Geezing Association has recently been made aware of a new beverage known as "Gonster," a concoction that combines the robust, time-honored character of Guinness stout with the jarring, artificially-stimulated rush of Monster Energy. This mixture has raised significant concerns among our members and the wider public.
Firstly, we must address the fundamental incompatibility of these two drinks. Guinness, with its rich history dating back to 1759, is a beverage of sophistication, depth, and cultural significance. It is a drink that demands to be savored, enjoyed slowly, and appreciated for its craftsmanship. On the other hand, Monster Energy is a modern invention, designed to deliver an aggressive jolt of caffeine and other stimulants, catering primarily to a different demographic with different consumption habits.
The combination of these two drinks into "Gonster" is not only an affront to the traditions we hold dear but also a dangerous proposition for our members. The very essence of geezing is rooted in the calm, convivial enjoyment of good company and good ale. The introduction of a high-caffeine energy drink into this environment threatens to disrupt the tranquility and steadiness that are the hallmarks of the geezing lifestyle.
We also cannot ignore the potential health risks posed by "Gonster." The combination of alcohol and high levels of caffeine is known to be hazardous, potentially leading to erratic behavior, cardiovascular issues, and other serious health concerns. Our members, many of whom have proudly reached their senior years, should not be subjected to such risks under any circumstances.
In light of these considerations, the National Geezing Association hereby issues a stern and unequivocal prohibition on the consumption of "Gonster" by its members. Effective immediately, any member found to be consuming or promoting this concoction will face the revocation of their Geezing Licence. This measure is taken to preserve the integrity of our community, ensure the safety of our members, and uphold the traditions that we cherish.
In conclusion, the National Geezing Association remains steadfast in its commitment to protecting the sanctity of geezing culture. We urge all members to resist the lure of "Gonster" and to continue to honor the time-tested practices that have defined our way of life for so long. Let us raise our pints of Guinness, untainted and pure, and toast to the enduring spirit of true geezing.
Stay geezy.